For many years, I have desired to have a heart more like Gods. To have his self-control (red hair really messes me up with that one :-), his peace, his joy, his kindness, faithfulness, and gentleness. These qualities are something that really will change a person deeply. We, as a family, have experienced so much in the last 6 years and it has changed me profoundly. I remember before Wayne's accident I asked the Lord to let him be the man that he created him to be. Then wam bam, first he lost his job and sat in the woods giving his life to Christ for the sake of guidance. Then he started his own business, which seemed like was going to be his "nitch" in life until retirement. Then came time for God to really ask us to move in ways we never thought we would. To lean on him more than ever, and that is what I know that we did. It seemed like a tornado that we were whirling around in for months. I had never prayed without ceasing, or even really knew what that meant, until then. I laughed out loud this morning as I read the passage they used for Reading 10 (Outpouring Bible Study), which Mother Theresa wrote, "I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that he didn't trust me so much." I laughed because I too, stated the very same thing numerous of times! This reading for me, just reminded me where I have come from and how my desires have deepened. These "thing" that we have been through, are just stepping stones to the wonderful life he has for me and my family. I want a deep, close friendship with our Lord and God. I want my pores to flow with his compassion and love for others. I want to be that seed and that hope for all to know. I want God to be glorified in all that I do. I desire my relationship with my husband, children, friends, family, neighbors, etc to grow as well. I have prayed to serve the Lord in a greater way and then we are asked to do this study. God is good and I don't know what he has in store, but I know it will be good.
Thank you Lord, again, for the trials of life you have trusted me with. I continue to search for a heart like yours and the characteristics of the fruit of the spirit. With these things in arm, I can spread You everywhere I go. You have been so majestic and mighty, my healer, and comforter, even my provider. I still remember when you softly reminded me that even the birds do not worry about what they will eat. That day you provided what we needed. Please guide with through this life glorifying your name in all that I do and say. Control my anger and remove anything that will take from your name. I desire your self-control and compassion the most. Thank you Lord for being my Abba and leader, I love you. In Jesus' name amen.
